Are you sitting comfortably? Good, because this will make uncomfortable reading

Back in mid June my mum's poor health was coming to a head so I explained to my boss Flakey and asked for a meeting about time off for compassionate leave. He replied:


Mike,

Sorry to hear about your Mom, and at this sensitive time we can discuss these matters upon your return.

I would therefore like to meet up at 11:00 on Tuesday. Please drop me a line, or give me a call to confirm.

Regards



-----Original Message-----
From: Taylor, Mike
Sent: MONDAY 13 June 2006
To: Flakey
Subject: RE: Missing Times - AUTOMATED EMAIL

F,

I was intending to return today all things being well. However things are decidedly not well at all, so I will not be in for the rest of the week. Note I had already booked Thurs/Fri as hols this week and had a double medical appt yesterday, which means I will be booked off as sick from 13/6 to 14/6. My medical appt last week was Monday as usual.

Please note I had left my compassionate leave in yours hands last week for Thurs/Fri so did not put any entry into SAP. I rang you at 5:35pm on the Wed to check it was OK, but got no reply.

FYI - I spent [last] Thurs nursing my mum as she is now a lot worse, and then Friday was spent taking her into a Macmillan hospice. Under the circumstances I think it deeply inappropriate for me to book any time as "holiday". I trust you understand.

Finally, I don't wish to be morbid but I have to be realistic; I need to know what time off is available on bereavement. It always was a certainty, but her passing is looking extremely imminent. Could you please let me know.

As you can see I left him in no doubt whatsoever as to what was happening. He arrived for the meeting the following week, on Tuesday. The following is as near to the conversation as I could get without taking a recording device. Thankfully my brain appears to switch to record mode at times like this so I am confident it is 98% correct.

I arrived at the room to find not just Flakey (RB), but his boss Matilda the Hun (JP) - a lady of some notoriety. You will see why.


Mike The “mom” meeting,
(Tuesday 20/06/06)

JP: Hi, Mike how are you?
Me: ok thanks
JP: Well, I meant given the circumstances. We know this is a difficult time for you at the moment.

[a long, detailed enquiry by JP follows..wanting to know the in and outs of everything...but here are the high-lights]

JP: so what’s the diagnosis now?
Me: (confused - it's cancer how can it become "un-cancer") what do you mean? – it’s the same as it was…
JP: so it was in the brain? A tumour?
Me: yes, it was cancer. A grade 4…whatever (failing to recall Latin name) in the brain but they cut it out, or rather tried to, but it grew back because it’s an aggressive type so attacked the speech and the cognitive centre.
JP: So can she recognise you? You know. Does she know it’s you?
Me: She did when I first went home, but later I couldn’t really tell.
JP: Well Mike I know what it’s like. My brother-in-law had something similar last year so I know what you’re going through. He had to have a hospital bed and things, but one thing I do know is he wanted to spend the end with his family, at home. Does your mum specify any wishes.
Me: (by now I am feeling increasingly annoyed and upset and having to dredge up the details all over again, simply for her to say “I’ve been there, done that and got the T-shirt”. It felt she was stuck in “me, me, me” mode) [out loud]: I don’t know.
JP: Right well we’d better stop talking about it now because I’m getting upset about it now
(I look at her and she doesn’t seem to look upset but I can’t tell anything. She could have been talking about the price of frozen peas for all I could see).

JP: Right Mike I believe you have been taking Monday's off for about 5 months now for medical appointments and we as a company have been paying you 37.5 hours to do work, but there doesn’t seem to be any end to them.
RB: Under the Disability and Discrimination Act Mike, we need to have proof that we are not being discriminate [he couldn’t think of the word so rambled] against anyone, so we need to know what the appointment is for.
JP: Can you tell us what the medical treatment is for Mike?
Me: I’m not prepared to tell you that
JP: Oh well, you have been going for 5 months Mike and we need some kind of proof because as far as SAP, or an outsider looking at this is concerned you’re taking the whole day but we have no idea what it’s for.
Me: It may say that in SAP but I have been working from home. The appointment takes about 2 hours total so it is impractical owing to the times of the appointment, to go there and all the way back to work again, so I just work from home.
JP: where is the appointment? (digging for info)
Me: It’s in the wrong direction
JP: yes, but where is it? You live in Wales don’t you? Or is it Reading?
Me: (exasperated as this woman, my top manager is here to deal with deeply personal issues and she doesn’t even know where I live) (under my breath)
JP: OK, so where is the clinic?
Me: it’s in the wrong direction to here. It takes 2 hours
JP: (getting irritated at me not playing ball) well, I don’t doubt that you are working from home Mike, but it remains to be seen whether it takes a full 2 hours for it if you’re not prepared to tell us where it is.
Me: It’s private
JP: Well Mike we have to have some evidence so we can simply request to see your medical records from your GP. Richard has got a form here that you sign and a an EDS doctor, or rather a doctor working on our behalf will assess you and then have a conversation with HR and let us know whether these medical appointments are justified or not.
Me: (to RB) sorry can you explain where the Disability act comes in again
[he does]
JP: here’s the form Mike
Me: (I half-read the form and put it down and try to think about what I can do)
so what do you want from me, a Dr’s letter?
JP: you can send that to HR and then HR will tell us, or be assessed by our Dr. They won't tell us specifically what the problem is, but just either agree you need the treatment or not. It may even be just a phone call, so it all remains between just you and him.
Me: so what is the procedure for taking medical appointments. I am not aware of what it should be, because well, it’s never been explained.
JP: well you need to make up the hours somewhere else in the week. If you’re working from home that means you have to make the 2 hours either each day or work late one day instead.
Me: (I stare at the page for consenting to medical scruting, trying to think but JP can’t stop talking – she keeps filling the silence)
JP: you know Mike I don’t doubt you have an appointment but working from home is not a given, it’s a privilege. We have been very generous up to now but we can stop that…
Me: (I look up and hold my palm face out like a traffic cop and say “Stop Janet” because I am getting riled again; all I can think of is MH coming in 2 days a week because he lives “too far away to commute” and numerous others who wfh on a whim yet no-one bats an eyelid about it. Here I am genuinely sick and getting grief about it. Finally I relent, as, if I send a Dr letter from the clinic I go to that will tip them off I immediately as to the nature of my malady). [out loud] So what about going-forward with the medical appointments?
JP: well it’s connected with this Mike. We have to settle this (proof) before we can discuss the future appointments. I know this is difficult for you Mike and this is a bad time for you but these things have to be done. We need to cross the t’s and dot the i’s.
We’re a caring company and we have been very forgiving up to now but we need to know this information to decide whether you make the hours up or work a shorter working week, say 30 hrs. (a thinly veiled threat of reducing my wage).
Me: (unable to think clearly because my emotional state and JP’s continued verbal diarrhoea I give up): OK, well I guess there’s no option really. I will sign it.

RB: Now Mike I’ve agreed to make last Thursday and Friday compassionate leave for you and then you had the day of for your medical appointment and then you sent me an email to take the following Tuesday and Wednesday off as sick. Well we need a Dr’s note from you for that period of time
Me: I don’t remember sending an email
JP: you must have sent something Mike or Flakey wouldn’t mention it
Me: OK, I just don’t recall. It doesn’t matter. I was too emotional to come to work
JP: Well we still need a medical slip
Me: in my circumstances, if you had just put your mother in a hospice and come back and been too upset to even leave the house, never mind go to work, what…what would…(struggling to speak, my voice trembling with emotion)…what would you tell your boss?
JP: well within half an hour of the first day off I would have rung my boss and told him just that.
Me: so you are refusing to accept self-certification
JP & RB look down at the floor at this point looking particularly sheepish
RB: if someone even has a cold for one day Mike, I can go up to them and ask for a Dr’s note for just that one day.
JP: So can you get it?
Me: I don’t know
RB: well we need to see it Mike. As a caring company, again under the D&DAct we need to prove to HR that we are not discriminating against you.
JP: Otherwise we will have to see about booking it as leave
Me: I thought that’s what this meeting was going to be about?
JP: Well, we’re just getting to that now
Me: (interrupting before they can bullshit me any more) well I want to suggest two things first, the first being leave of absence but the best option being working from home, as I see no reason for to be in the office. All I need to do is attend meetings and I can ring up for that but when I say home, I mean Wales not Slough.
JP: can you get a signal in Wales?
Me: (incredulous) yes
RB: but I rang you last week Mike and left 2 messages and you did not reply at all. You were uncontactable.
JP: Yes, I have problems trying to contact people in Wales
Me: Flakey [annoyed], the reason you did not get through is because the battery died and then on top of that I left it in Wales. So when you rang, it was dead and in Wales.
JP: So you can get a signal? (sounding surprised now the phones work in Wales)
Me: Yes, I have never had any problems at all
JP: OK. You don’t need anything else do you?
Me: well I could do with a docking station
JP: Yes but that’s not essential is it. Well, I don’t see a problem.
RB: Yes, but Mike you have not attended a single team leaders meeting, or the sharepoint meeting or submitted any status reports. If you can’t do that now, how can we be sure you are going to be able to do them from home.
JP: Yes Mike those things are important. I suggest a trial basis for the next two weeks you CAN work from home on the basis that you provide Flakey with what he needs. He is going away tomorrow anyway.
Me: so who is standing in for him?
JP: well it could be you if you’re not careful (hahahaha)
RB: Yes, it is any one of 15 people, but Tony Bullock will be attending. You know Tony.
[at this point the meeting dissolves into idle chat and I just want to leave.]

Post datum: at home-time I sit in the car and want to cry but feel too numb to do so. I feel completely drained and numb with turmoil.